CRASH AND BURN!

i have fallen off the nablopomo blogging challenge after only 3 consecutive days.
but, oh well. to look on the bright side- no more pressure, so any blogging now will be purely for just because reasons.
i dont do well with ultimatums, maybe the challenge is too challenging for my don't push me into a corner tendencies?
i must have bucked it subconsciously and intentionally screwed it up! okay, so now i can just have fun.
i want to change the look of my blog; lighten it up a bit, make it prettier, and hey, it is still with the theme of change!
and it will also be a challenge, because i am in no way a techy. not even a little. it takes me forever just to upload a picture!
any comments containing tips and tricks for quick uploads will win a prize! okay, maybe not, but i might send you a thank you note!

SMILE AT EVERYONE YOU MEET

Okay, first of all, let me clarify a little from my last post. I am not a completely friendless hermit who is afraid to leave the house, although there was a point in time when i wasn't too far from that. I have recently been 'stretching my wings', so to speak, socially, by reaching out to try and develop some friendships in my life. I started online, making cyber friends on sites like flickr, and then sought out yahoo groups based on unschooling hoping to find some people who are more like me.

I have a few friends that i have had for decades, and will always have as very dear friends, but with the 'alternative' choices that we have made in our family, i haven't been able to connect with my 'old friends' about so many issues in my life, or just our day to day lifestyle. So the online friends really helped to boost me to the next level, which was attending a few local meetup groups; some organized through the yahoo group boards, and some through meetup.com. And most recently, I had a 'meetup' with an online friend, and we hit it off instantly in person as well, and i just know that we will be great friends, and am so excited about it because we share so many things in common as far as 'alternative lifestyle choices'.
But, this for me is the exception, not the rule. And it is just something i would like to CHANGE in my life.

So... I googled "overcoming social awkwardness", and the very first thing that pops up is this article about how this person has been affected, both personally and professionally, his entire life by varying "...levels of social awkwardness..." which tells me that i am not the only one with this issue.
Here is a little snippit which perfectly explains the affects social awkwardness can have on one's life:
"... from the very basics of having enough courage to talk and knowing what to say to start a conversation to understanding how to read people. From the vantage point of today, I now see how this social awkwardness has cost me in the past, causing me to lose out on promotions, lose out on at least one amazing opportunity with a startup, and fail to take advantage of at least a few opportunities to really wow a room full of people with a presentation.
Let’s face it - I’m a strong introvert and the nuances of making friends, communicating well with others, and speaking to others is sometimes a challenge for me."

BUT WAIT, THERE IS HOPE:
He goes on to explain: "Over the last several years, I’ve found a number of ways to overcome this problem. Most of these require significant practice, but the truth is that you can practice almost all of these any time that you want. If you’re socially awkward at all - and you probably know it if you are - just give some of these exercises a try.
Where did I learn these exercises? These came from countless books on public speaking and human relations. Of my more recent readings, I particularly recommend How To Win Friends And Influence People"...
(guess i was right on with that one!) "...and Never Eat Alone... both were chock full of useful tips for an introverted fellow like me.
So let’s get started."

And the first thing to do is: "SMILE AT EVERYONE YOU MEET"
and there is actually a link to an article on how to be an expert smiler at www.wikihow.com/Smile
But i prefer this brief instructional from the blog of a dear online friend of mine who is always so eloquent and inspriational:
"TRY THIS WITH THE NEXT PERSON YOU MEET: APPROACH THEM WITH A SMILE, OPEN YOUR HEART, FEEL YOUR ARMS STRETCHING WIDE. ENGAGE. LOOK BEHIND THE MASK THAT IS THEIR FACE, FEEL THE ESSENCE OF THEIR SPIRIT CONNECTING WITH YOURS. SMILE." I'm not sure if it is her quote, or just one of her favorites, but it certainly spoke to me.
So, all day today, I will be a smiling fool!
I'll let you know what happens!
oh yes, and...
{:-D

The Weird Kid Syndrome.

Social awkwardness... the overriding thought on my mind tonight.
Not very uplifting i suppose, but there it is just the same.
In sticking with NaBloPoMo January theme of CHANGE, I'm just going to put it out there,
even if that means being boring or depressing.
At the age of 33, I still feel so odd sometimes in social situations.
Maybe everyone does, maybe it's just me?
Unschooling park day today, lots of really cool moms that i would love to have real friendships with,
but even though i have been attending functions for a couple months now, I had not exchanged phone numbers with anyone in the group yet. I saw a commercial for the biggest loser tv show for the upcoming season, and this former model is crying that she hasn't been asked for her phone number for three years. I can't remember the last time anyone, male, female, or otherwise, asked me for my number. It's really kind of depressing. Makes me feel like the biggest loser. (Pun absolutely intended) Maybe I have some extremely annoying trait that i am unaware of? Maybe it's being whiny? Maybe it's making cheesy wordplays? This sounds so pathetic, but I have struggled my whole life with social awkwardness, and not really knowing how to handle myself in a calm, cool, and collected manner in a group setting, and i feel like it is affecting my ability to move forward in life. Not just in a being successful in life kind of way, but more so in a having lasting, meaningful friendships kind of way. Why is it so hard for me to make friends? Is there an art, a specific method of making friends? Maybe i should read my husbands copy of HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE by Dale Carnegie? Maybe I should sleep more, or listen to classical music more, or change my diet, or take mental clarity herbal supplements? I am going to do some research on this, see what i can find to CHANGE this issue.

CHANGE

The theme for January is CHANGE.
That seems appropriate for the start of the new year.

Change can be such an intimidating word; just the word implies so many expectations.
Expectations can lead to so much stress and disappointment.
The idea of something new, the hope of something better, the thoughts of the ideal.
CHANGE.
The fear of failing to meet expectations, the possibility of disappointment, the idea of nothing changing.

Change can happen is so many ways; instant, lifelong, lasting change; or slow, subtle, almost unidentifiable change.
But the very idea of changing something, anything, whether it be the way we interact with our kids, the way we handle conflict with our significant other, taking care of our health, changing our eating habits, or simply taking the time to look up at the sky everyday; the idea of making a change in our lives inspires us. With the intention come new and creative ways of viewing things, of reacting to people, of taking in life. Only the intention is required, an honest, sincere intent, to begin instituting change. So, I, for a change, will not expect of myself to have a completely different life by midnight on New Years Day. I will accept that change is a process, possibly without an identifiable end. My resolution for this year, will be to hold on to the intention of change; because with that intent will come all the creativity, determination, and hope, that i will need to make a real and lasting change in my life. And i absolutely believe, that with creativity, determination, hope, and intention, change will come.

Cliffs Notes 2008

What a crazy year it has been!
It's hard to believe at the beginning of this year my oldest daughter, 7 at the time, was a member of the public school system.
It's even harder to go back and look at the pictures!


Thankfully, sometime in January, i realized (after one day on the job at a local daycare with my baby girl crying down the hallway) that public school was not something that we had ever wanted or intended for our family, and we refocused, got back on course, and pulled her out of school to be home with us again.



Shortly after that, we celebrated our baby girl's first birthday. HAPPY DAY!


Unfortunately, when we took her for her one year checkup, we found out that she had an elevated lead level in her bloodstream. The nurse called and suggested we find another place to stay immediately. What a shock that was! So we packed a few clothes and moved into my dad's house that night until we could figure out what to do. We were there for three months. Family of four sleeping in a double bed and living out of suitcases. We tried to get out of the house as much as possible!
NOLA CHILDRENS MUSEUM

MISSISSIPPI GULF COAST

BALAGAN CIRQUE PERFORMANCE

SPANISH TOWN MARDI GRAS PARADE

ZOO WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY

CAMPING AT TICKFAW STATE PARK

EASTER AT UNCLE'S FARM

SPRAYGROUND WITH FRIENDS

AND WE NURSED SOME ABANDONED BABY BIRDS





Because it was determined that one possible cause of the lead was that my husband might be bringing it in on his shoes from work, he started trying to use his connections in Dallas to get a job in the racing industry.
We didn't want to sign a lease anywhere knowing that we wanted to move, but nothing was happening fast enough, so we talked our way into staying at a friend of a family member's camp on the river for the summer, in exchange for fixing the place up. Family of four sleeping on a king size mattress on the living room floor while the rest of the place was being renovated and used as temporary storage! We tried to stay outside as much as possible!


The job finally came through at the end of June, and Steve flew to New York for his trial run with the race team.

I guess he passed the test because he got the job!
For the next few months, me and the girls stayed at the camp in Louisiana while he traveled the country with the team.
He came home long enough to help me move everything out of the camp and into storage, and me and the girls took off to Dallas with our suitcases to look for a place. We stayed at his boss's house while they were on the road, and went back to Louisiana and stayed with family when they came back in town.

We went to the Rethinking Education conference and met lots of cool and inspirational people who also unschool their kids.

The conference was a life-changing, inspiring, and self-affirming event, and i am so glad we made it a priority to go.

Back to Louisiana for the rest of September to stay with my little brother while my mom took a temporary job assignment in Puerto Rico. (poor thing, right?) But it worked out great for me, because me and the girls had a comfy house with a pool for the last little bit of summer weather.


Then off to California with hubby in race rig for family road trip and last race of the season!


We finally found a nice little apartment with a library and a ymca within walking distance from our front door, and signed up for all kinds of local groups and have stayed very busy meeting all sorts of new people. We have been to museums, gardens, aquariums, zoos, parties and park days; and have met lots of incredible unschooling families!

And i couldnt think of a better way to end this wild ride of a year than meeting 'in real life' the gypsy spirited woman who has been my online hero for a couple years now! She travels the country with her husband and three kids living in a converted school bus and teaches her kids about life by getting out there and living it! Thank you Vicki for being such an inspiration and for sharing your family's awesome alternative lifestyle with the rest of the world! I'm so glad to call you a friend!

This is just a very brief summary of what we have gone through this year as individuals and as a family.
All the experiences of this year, and all the life lessons, and all the fun, the sadness, the frustration, the struggles, the enlightenment, and the strengthening of our family that went along with those experiences are too many to list; and too subtle to define. But it has been an amazing year, in both good and bad ways; and i know that without some of those 'bad' experiences, many of the 'good' ones would have never come along!

So, here is wishing everyone a new year filled with many new experiences that will expand and enlighten your world!

it's a WHALE of a TAIL!

We Went Whale Watching!!!!


We are in california right now with my husbands job having an absolutely amazing time!
Yesterday's whale watching cruise was the height of the trip so far!

I guess true to my libra tendencies, i couldn't help feeling torn between the deep inner desire to get really close to them and also a sense of guilt for being a part of disturbing them at all.


The kids were both pretty impressed, although T was also a little disappointed that none of them did flying leaps over the boat! She gets her elaborate fantasy thought processes from me, so i try not to judge her!

Despite not realizing our fantastical imaginings, these gentle giants exuded a sense of grace and majesty that was...humbling.

A boat filled with eager, intrusive tourists fell completely silent as soon as the first humped back broke the surface. 50+ complete strangers edged in closer to one another, shoulder to shoulder, none minding the presence of the others, all in silent awe as we witnessed what was known by all to be a rare treat indeed.

33 has moved!

all posts for the 33things/33days, etc....
will now be posted to a separate blog.
i will use this blog to focus on our unschooling life.
i guess i have a need to label and categorize things.

anyhow, i hope to have time to blog on some of our travel adventures tomorrow!

new rules! 33 challenge

okay, i thought for sure i was the only one who ever read my blog when i issued that little 30 day challenge to myself. but then, i got a comment on my blog which lets me know, someone might see me not taking myself too seriously with the challenge. so rather than admit defeat right out the gate, i am changing the rules!
i will be 33years old on october 2nd, which is not that far away.
i sent a text message out to all my family and friends today asking for some inspiring ideas on how to spend my 33rd birthday. i consider it to be a landmark birthday. it's not the typical 'round' number like 30 or 40, but to me, it seems like a significant one.
aside from the jesus analogy, it's also 3-11's(i like the band), its a twin number(i like twins), and it feels like the very beginning of my 'adult' life.
how odd, i suppose, that hundreds of years ago, people were lucky to live to this age, and i consider it the 'beginning' of my adult life.
there are several reasons why this year is so signifacant to me, i guess; some delightful, some depressing.
just last weekend, i realized that i could quite possibly spend the WHOLE rest of my life with my current husband and be HAPPY about it! delightful little bit of enlightenment that was!
also, myself, aforementioned hubby and two girls are 'in process' of moving out of state where we will be at least 8 hours drive from the nearest family member! that in itself deserves a party!
i dont mean to sound harsh or hateful, i really love my family. i just think for most of us, family is kinda like a monet. the beauty of it is better appreciated from a distance; if you get too close, you start to see what a muddled mess it really is!
the depressing bit is that on my birthday, it will have been a year and a month since my brother passed away. i feel like i have been in a fog since then, and am just starting to come out of it. so i want to do something symbolic to walk out of my grief and move forward in my life.
anyway, out of the responses i got to the text message brainstorm-
-one took it as a hint that i wanted a party, so she has decided to plan one and also thinks she may become a professional party planner. (not what i intended)
-one sent the sweet suggestion that i shop for a coffin- bad getting old joke!
-and the one that stood out the most suggested that i 'drink33, sing33, write down 33 things i always wanted to do and give myself 33 days to do each. think of 33 reasons its best to be me, get a babysitter and lets all go do something none of us have the balls to do! (that was my favorite so far)
anyhoo, that little bit inspired my rules change for this self-imposed challenge.

i will start the day after my 33rd birthday on october 3rd and write something on this blog everyday for 33days.
one year, one month, one day after the end of my brother's life, i will begin mine.
not to be morbid, but in honor of him. i want to live my life all the way to the fullest. no more wishing for this or that, but creating it. becoming the me of my dreams, a little bit more every day; so that when its all said and done, i will not have to wonder what could have been had i only believed.

still rethinking...

okay, i know that last entry was quite the read! but all the new experiences and information i tried to cram in within the span of a few days left me feeling kinda like forrest gump(staring blankly out into the atmosphere, saying dryly,"that's all i have to say about that".
i still have not been able to fully process all the information i got; not to mention all the amazing people, and all the internal changes that have begun to unfold.
i made new friends. and people that i actually have things in common with. other parents who challenge the typical societal rules and smirk in the face of so-called tradition. people who do what they feel is best for their children, their families, and themselves, regardless of what that looks like to other people. and the coolest thing about my new friends is they actually keep in touch with me. they said they would call or write, and they did. they meant it. they didnt think i was some flaky weirdo with extreme ideas and opinions about life and just try to get away quickly.
well, maybe they did think that, but they are enough of the same to not fear it.

i am challenging myself to blog everyday for the next 30days. this is my personal precursor to the 30queries30days challenge that my new friend lisa invited me to join. i'm not prepared for that level of commitment yet. so this will be like my marathon training. doing something consistently every day for 30 days.
this should be interesting!

rethinking education

AMAZING!

this is the BOX CITY room at the RETHINKING EDUCATION conference.
the kids had a lot of fun building

and then 'de-constructing'!



IMPROMTU JAM SESSION



I THOUGHT THIS WAS IRONIC