okay, i thought for sure i was the only one who ever read my blog when i issued that little 30 day challenge to myself. but then, i got a comment on my blog which lets me know, someone might see me not taking myself too seriously with the challenge. so rather than admit defeat right out the gate, i am changing the rules!
i will be 33years old on october 2nd, which is not that far away.
i sent a text message out to all my family and friends today asking for some inspiring ideas on how to spend my 33rd birthday. i consider it to be a landmark birthday. it's not the typical 'round' number like 30 or 40, but to me, it seems like a significant one.
aside from the jesus analogy, it's also 3-11's(i like the band), its a twin number(i like twins), and it feels like the very beginning of my 'adult' life.
how odd, i suppose, that hundreds of years ago, people were lucky to live to this age, and i consider it the 'beginning' of my adult life.
there are several reasons why this year is so signifacant to me, i guess; some delightful, some depressing.
just last weekend, i realized that i could quite possibly spend the WHOLE rest of my life with my current husband and be HAPPY about it! delightful little bit of enlightenment that was!
also, myself, aforementioned hubby and two girls are 'in process' of moving out of state where we will be at least 8 hours drive from the nearest family member! that in itself deserves a party!
i dont mean to sound harsh or hateful, i really love my family. i just think for most of us, family is kinda like a monet. the beauty of it is better appreciated from a distance; if you get too close, you start to see what a muddled mess it really is!
the depressing bit is that on my birthday, it will have been a year and a month since my brother passed away. i feel like i have been in a fog since then, and am just starting to come out of it. so i want to do something symbolic to walk out of my grief and move forward in my life.
anyway, out of the responses i got to the text message brainstorm-
-one took it as a hint that i wanted a party, so she has decided to plan one and also thinks she may become a professional party planner. (not what i intended)
-one sent the sweet suggestion that i shop for a coffin- bad getting old joke!
-and the one that stood out the most suggested that i 'drink33, sing33, write down 33 things i always wanted to do and give myself 33 days to do each. think of 33 reasons its best to be me, get a babysitter and lets all go do something none of us have the balls to do! (that was my favorite so far)
anyhoo, that little bit inspired my rules change for this self-imposed challenge.
i will start the day after my 33rd birthday on october 3rd and write something on this blog everyday for 33days.
one year, one month, one day after the end of my brother's life, i will begin mine.
not to be morbid, but in honor of him. i want to live my life all the way to the fullest. no more wishing for this or that, but creating it. becoming the me of my dreams, a little bit more every day; so that when its all said and done, i will not have to wonder what could have been had i only believed.