BIRTHDAY PARTY IDEAS?

for at least a couple weeks now, i have been trying to figure out what my soon to be 9 year old wants to do for her birthday.
i mean i have been following her around, interupting her imaginary play, barging into the bathroom and cornering her in the tub, asking her what she wants to do for her birthday. and every time i ask, the answer is different.

we are 8+ hours away from all our relatives, but she wants to invite them all to come to her party.
she also wants to do a friend party with our friends from park day, which will be the day before her birthday, and she wants to have everyone she's ever met to come swimming at our place, and she wants to go to the horse/circus show, and to have a special dessert date with mommy and daddy at a fancy restaurant, and a slumber party, oh, and a kitten.

did i miss anything?
probably.

oh yes, and an ice cream bar with every flavor and possible topping ever invented.
did i mention it has been over 100 degrees here for about a week now?

anyway, i have myself tried to figure out a way to entice local circus performers, musicians, jugglers, flame spitters, and upright frogs in leotards, to come perform at an evening party in the park- where there would be twinkle lights and lanterns hanging from every tree, everyone would be dressed in mardi gras masquerade attire or jester suits. there would be guys in top hats riding giant unicycles, and mermaids swimming in the pond, and doing flips for us as the fireworks show lights up the night sky. there would be fountains flowing with delicious frosty beverages of every variety, and rabbits in velvet coats with brass buttons serving delicious and beautiful exotic hors d'oevres of every shape and color, all to the symphony of amazing joy inducing background music from the various musicians scattered throughout the party.

i truly cannot imagine where that child gets her flare for the dramatic!

so, now less than two weeks away, we really have no concrete plans and no clue as to what to do!

i have figured out that the only relatives who could possibly attend are my mom and my dad.
oh yes, and their significant others.

they have been divorced since i was ten years old, and haven't stopped fighting since.
i actually chose not to have a wedding partly because i didn't want them in the room together on our special day.
the thought of mediating a wedding cake fight about the wrongdoings of the last 20-30 years while having my wedding dress torn apart and a slew of people hauled off in squad cars was just not fitting in with my vision of a dream wedding!
but, i digress.

i need to figure out what to do to make my special sweet girl's birthday as special as she is to me!
any shared brilliance would be so very appreciated!

i need indoors, at least partly, like i said, it's REALLY hot.
i need fantasy and fun and friends and family and food and ice cream.
i need location.

i need more money!